This is from a note sent to employees by a person who is retiring from the Hospital I work at:
The Lighter Side of 45 Years Working in State Hospitals
June 30, 2009
I hope you find these short stories interesting; it was sure fun for me.
The Real Orientation:
I began working at Colorado State Hospital in July of 1964 while in undergraduate school. There was no orientation, just report to ward 77, maximum security for the afternoon shift, my title was nurse attendant and my pay was $1.55 an hour. On the second day, I was standing in the back of the dining room in my white cords and blue suede shoes when a plate of spaghetti flew across the room on to my white pants. Someone yelled “riot”. I didn’t know what to do, so I jumped on the back of a very big patient. He carried me around while he created mayhem. It did not go on for long and when it was over, the patient gently put me down and said “you done good!”
I knew I had a career ahead of me.
Shocking Interview:
One of the first admission interviews I observed was before security was of much concern, in fact, the psychiatrist, started by lighting a cigarette for the patient. Sometime during the interview, the doctor was asking questions and the patient reached in his pocket and pulled out a switchblade and stabbed it into his own leg. The doctor knew the patient had a wooden leg, and just said, “so Mr. Fink” have you ever thought of changing your name?
What Patients Can Teach You:
When out of grad school, I was watching a psychiatric exam. The doctor asked the patient what the phrase meant, “it’s an ill wind that blows no one some good”. I turned to my colleague and asked, I thought quietly, “what the hell does that mean”? The patient turned to me and said, “it means that there is some good in everything”.
The Great Escape:
In maximum security we had two tall fences with razor wire around the top of both. The Security Director decided the hospital should have dogs between the fences so that there would be even greater security. Well, the patients regularly brought food from the dining room to feed the dogs. One night there was a big event, two big holes were cut in the fences and 10 patients escaped. When the patients were found, the dogs were with them.
The HR Caper. What’s with 93?
In Idaho where I was Superintendent of State Hospital South in Blackfoot, we had a very interesting patient on the Geriatric Ward. He was a striking Native American with silver hair and a long braid down his back. He was one of those natural leaders and everyone always relied on him for advice and conversation. His age was 93. He decided to apply to become a direct care staff and so he sent in his application, while he was still in the hospital. When the personnel board in Boise sent him his score, it was 93. He proudly posted it on the door to his room. This got the staff to thinking, what if Blackie applied for a job? Blackie was the program’s Black Lab, and a very nice dog. They filled out the application and were very creative. Under credentials they put – licensed in the city of Blackfoot. Under relationships, they put-excellent, everyone likes me and say I’m underfoot all the time. You guessed it! The dog scored 93. When this came to the light of the Personnel Board, they called me to Boise, and chewed me out for about an hour, even though I didn’t know about it until after-the-fact. They told my boss, the Director of Health and Welfare to deal with me as he saw fit. He called me to his office and told me what he was told to do. So he said “that was great, let me buy you lunch”.
My Favorite Psychologist Story:
This didn’t happen while this psychologist worked at OSH, but I couldn’t stop laughing. This psychologist worked a little late one day and then went home. It was Halloween. When he got home, there was a note from his wife saying that she took the kids to a Halloween party and he could handle the trick-or-treaters. He looked around the house but couldn’t find any candy and then the doorbell rang. He crept along the wall and peeked out to see the neighbor kids, who were good friends, waiting and ringing the bell. He slid down and was crawling across the living room when he realized the kids might see him through the large window to the porch. He lay down behind the furniture, but being a tall man, couldn’t hide completely. The kids looked through the window, and ran home and told their parents that MR. was lying on the floor; it looked like something happened to him. They called 911 and when the paramedics showed up with the neighbors all around, he had some explaining to do.
The Psychiatrist’s Powerful Words:
We had a patient who had a history of traveling around the country on other people’s credit cards. When the doctor was talking with the patient about something, he said “it would be beneficial and theraputic”. When the patient escaped, we started getting post cards from all around the country saying, “the climate here is beneficial and therapeutic”.
The Blind Side Award:
When I lived in Idaho, I had a large ¾ ton pick-up truck, you know, “when in Rome…”. One day I parked to go in a store, a motorcycle parked right behind me. When I was leaving, I backed up and couldn’t see the motorcycle and pretty well crushed it. Sometime later, I was at a statewide Health and Welfare meeting where the Department Director was giving awards to several staff. I got called up and the Director gave me the Blind Side Award. Then said, “that was my son’s motorcycle”.
Shoes – You Will Be Remembered:
When at Dammasch Hospital, the CMO and I had an occasion to visit some group homes. A patient at one of these facilities kept making eye contact with the doctor. He had been discharged for ten years. He finally walked up and said “hi Dr. R. I see you are still wearing the same shoes”. He was. I told his wife this story and she threw the shoes out.
Lawyers:
In Idaho we had a Legal Aid lawyer who’s job description was to cause me grief, and he was good at it. I went up to him and asked, “what is the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road?”
Then I said, “there are skid marks in front of the skunk”. Several months later I was skiing. I’m a shinny-side-up skier and take it easy. Out of the trees a skier shot right atop the front of my skis and, as I was rolling down the hill he yelled back “no skid marks!”
I am sure there are more stories but I have to stop. I have tremendous respect for you and our patients. Thank you for all the support you have given me over the years. I wish you well in the future.
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